Motherhood is a unique journey for everyone, but there are some things I didn’t expect to go through.  I wish I knew more about these topics before I became a mom because these are the ones that impacted my motherhood journey the most.

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1. Breastfeeding is hard!

Before the baby is even born people will ask “are you going to breastfeed?”  Once the baby is here from the nurses, doctors, and close relatives will say breast is best.  Don’t let that put you down because in reality as long as the baby is fed and healthy is what matters. Do what works for you!

Breastfeeding is hard mentally and physically, but if it is something you want to be consistent and persevere through all the bumps ahead of you. I suffered so much at the beginning with pain and engorgement.   It was so painful that I dreaded breastfeeding and I felt something was wrong. I looked for help and found it in the Lactation Foundation of Houston. The consultant taught me valuable information and helped me find why I was having so much pain and gave me great tips on how to breastfeed.  The pain was caused by a tongue tie in which he was not able to latch properly.  

The consultant suggested nipple shields to relieve the pain and a referral to a doctor who was able to treat him.  Overall I had a great experience and was able to successfully breastfeed my son until he was two years old.

Now I recommend a lactation consultant to all first-time moms that are thinking about breastfeeding.  My mistake was not going to one until my baby was 2 weeks old and if I only knew the things they taught me sooner, I probably would have not suffered as much.

2. Postpartum depression is real

I didn’t even realize I was depressed until my mother pointed it out to me.  We were driving home from one of my son’s appointments when she blatantly said to me “there is something wrong with you.  You are not you”. Then it hit me….she was right.

I began to analyze everything from the moment my son was born until that car ride home.  I wasn’t bonding with my son. Tears began to fall down my face and I felt a sense of relief. I knew there was something going on with me but I just couldnt put my finger on it.

It took me a long time to navigate those feelings and I am now in a better place.  Not everyone goes through this but if you are struggling with something make sure to talk with someone about how you feel or find a professional for help.  It makes a world of a difference.  

3. Rest when the baby rests

This was hard for me to do but it is true.  You are running on fumes for the first few months while adjusting to your new role as a mother.  The laundry, the dishes, all the housework will pile up but it’s ok because your sanity comes first.  

Take a break and sleep when your baby sleeps. Everything else can wait because guess what??? It is still going to be there when you wake up! 

Get help if you need to.  Call someone to come watch your baby or hire help to clean your house. 

4. Spend quality time with your partner

It is easier said than done because with a newborn in tow….. when is the best time to do it?  In all honesty, there will never be a perfect time, you will just have to make time by setting a date and sticking to it.

We didn’t know the importance of it until we were in the thick of things. We started bickering and arguing a lot which led to us almost seperating completely. But somehow through all that chaos we learned that we just needed to communicate and spend more quality time with one another.

Don’t underestimate the importance of your relationship with your partner.  Both of you must make a conscious effort to nurture the bond you have with one another.  It is the foundation for a strong and happy marriage, therefore make time for each other.

Get someone to babysit in order for you and your partner to go out.  If that is not an option, make time in the evening after you put the baby to sleep and have dinner at home.  

5. Intimacy

To be honest I was not looking forward to being intimate after the baby.  My labor and delivery experience was difficult and traumatizing. Also, I was so tired, sleep-deprived, hormonal, that I would try to avoid having sex… period!

But eventually with time (several months on my end) and communication with your partner things start flowing again.

6. Posture

I gained almost 70 pounds during my pregnancy which changed my posture completely.  My hips pushed my pelvis forward to compensate for the extra weight I was carrying and unfortunately, my body was use to it that it continued to do it after the baby was on earth side.  My lower back and hips were affected by it because they would hurt.

Additionally, my posture lacked even more once I started breastfeeding. My back, neck, and shoulder caused me to have pain.  I was a mess.

Stretching and exercising helped me to improve my posture.  Please consult your doctor before trying anything.

7. Diastasis recti.

If you look pregnant months after giving birth you may have diastasis recti. Diastasis recti is the separation of the rectus abdominis muscle caused in my case by pregnancy.  I didn’t even know what diastasis recti was until I was scrolling down my Instagram feed and saw an influencer posting about it. 

After I lost most of the weight I struggled to get my belly down.  I tried a lot of abdominal exercises but nothing was working. Until I found Dr. Kelly’s Abs After Babies program.  Dr. Kelly teaches you how to strengthen your inner core with informative exercise videos.  I learned so much from this program and I was able to get my mommy pooch down. Please advise a medical professional before trying anything.

8. Self-care

The importance of self-care in this stage is on another level.  My son is my world and I gave him every single second. In the process, I lost myself.  One day I looked in the mirror and I didn’t recognize who I was. My body now had pink purplish stretch marks, loose skin, and extra cushions everywhere.  I was a stranger to myself.

I started by taking a few minutes of each day to do things for me.  Like working out, taking a bath by myself, wearing “normal” clothes that were not maternity or pajamas, getting a new haircut, and doing my makeup. These normal things seem silly but they make you feel like you again.

When my son was a year and a half, I felt a sense of me.  I became a hybrid version of myself. I wasn’t the old me or just a mom me but a blended version of both. I found peace, love, and gratitude for my new body.

Becoming a mother, unfortunately, doesn’t have an owner’s manual that tells you what to do but somehow I found my own way to feel fulfilled, emotionally and physically happy.

Oh goodness! These are just some of the things I wish I knew before being a mom but there is so much more.  Each stage comes with its own challenges from breastfeeding to postpartum and everything that comes after it, but it’s an opportunity to grow as a woman. I have learned so much since becoming a mother I can’t wait to see what’s up ahead.